I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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