Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
