He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
