Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
