so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
