It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
cat food counts as protein by the way
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
