dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
