I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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