i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
