I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
3pm strippers are depressing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
