Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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