So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
