after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
