Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
