She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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