It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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