its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
