i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
