I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
