I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we're making bets on your personal life
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
