sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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