Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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