Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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