My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize