i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize