Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You've changed since you got that strap on
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
