So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
