It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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