Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
