I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
