im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My dick has a subreddit
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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