feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
