some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just had sex on a roof
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize