Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
