am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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