Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
