This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
