Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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