i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
