just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize