nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think my vagina is haunted
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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