I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
