i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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