Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
where does the pee come out of this thing
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
