True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
