FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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