in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just had sex on a roof
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize