We won't sleep together?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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