dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
