Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
