that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
