Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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