You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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