I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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