When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
