i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize