I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
