When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
