pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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