Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
