Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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