I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
