he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
