The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
