I didn't shave. On purpose
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
