Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
