i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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