I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
