I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
