we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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