i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
