I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
